Just poking my head in...

Figured I'd say a quick hello, as I've not been around for a little while. That grad school stuff has been catching up to me, and a slew of mandatory-social events (I thought those were supposed to end after college?) have hit all at once.

I guess there is one story I'd like to relate, that's been pestering me for a few days now.

I make no secret of the fact that I work for an abortion provider-- I am proud of all the work I do, which includes basic medical services as well as abortion services. I help treat women from all economic backgrounds, races, ages, even genders. That's right, we had a man come in a few days ago for his annual Pap smear. But that's not my story.

A few nights ago, I was at a meeting for my all-women athletic team. One of the girls was recently hired as a Pilates instructor, and invited us all to her first few classes, which were being offered free. I told her I couldn't make it on Thursday, as I leave work late that day. Mind you, it is no secret where I work. She said that there was also a 1pm class on Saturday I could attend.

"Oh, I can't make it, I have abortions all morning."

I said this casually, not going for the twisted-humor laugh I occasionally pull out. And immediately some of the girls started looking at each other, and one of the leaders said, "Yeah, you could have just said you have to work. You didn't have to put it like that, it makes me uncomfortable."

That's right, I could have just said I had to work-- but that's not what came to mind. The simple fact is that I am busy well into the early afternoon every Saturday with abortions. That is not a dirty word. That is a basic outpatient procedure which is, in all honesty, safer than carrying a pregnancy to full term. And in a group of liberated, empowered women, I thought I'd be safe saying that. The woman who voiced her objection is even a lesbian-- maybe she's uncomfortable because she doesn't think she'll ever have to worry about it.

But the fact is, according to the Guttmacher Institute's research at least 50% of American women (even lesbians!) "will experience an unintended pregnancy by age 45, and, at current rates, about one-third will have had an abortion."

That's right. Every third woman you see on the street, statistically, has had or will have an abortion. And the only thing that makes it a shame is your perception of it.

Women who have abortions do so for a number of reasons, and if any one of them is valid, they all are. I counsel with women every day from every walk of life who need our services aborting a pregnancy that they cannot envision keeping. And they are clearly not alone in numbers.

But they are alone because of the stigma of abortion.

I know, definitely, that at least one woman on my team has had an abortion-- a close friend of the "uncomfortable" woman. She knows it too. And statistics say that even if she doesn't feel concerned (though we do have lesbians come in for abortions, either through rape, one-time "mistakes", or even wanted pregnancies that they find they cannot complete), one of the women sitting on either side of her has or will use abortion services.

And I couldn't help but look around the group of women and wonder which among them sat there in silence while the others spoke about their "discomfort" with my simply mentioning my work. Just imagine being them, in this group of strong women where we're encouraged to be ourselves and be tough and most of all to be connected with one another.

How isolating must that feel?



That's why I got into this job. Because I do not want women to feel alone, no matter their backgrounds, no matter their reasons. Finding out you're pregnant changes your life, and everyone deserves support, no matter what choice you make.

Awkard Things

Dear lord, I hope we change this "theme" soon. Eli, you're in charge of picking something less like kindergarten.

In other news, I can't think of a better way to introduce myself than my current dilemma. I spend a lot of time at my boyfriend's house. I get a long great with his roommates and spend the night regularly. As of late, however, I've noticed a small problem. His lady roommate and I use the same tampons and pads (different pantyliners). While I know which tampons are mine (despite the same brand and style, I get the multi-pack while she gets the normal size packs), I don't know which pads are mine. We get exactly the same ones.

I would never dream of stealing hers, but during my last period, I noticed my pads were exactly where I thought they were, kind of chucked to the back of, admittedly, her shelf. (Please note: I don't have a shelf in the bathroom, it's not like I live there.) So I grabbed one and did my thing and didn't really think anything of it. Until I realized that they were disappearing at a rate unlike my consumption. It became my belief that we were pulling from the same pack.

Not a problem, I recently replaced the pack and honestly don't really care, but how do you approach the topic that either I was taking hers or she was taking mine? To some extent, I'm not interested in approaching it as long as when they are gone, they get replaced by someone before another 11pm walk to the store in the middle of the cold, snowy winter has to be made, but at the same time, part of me really wants to know: are they mine or hers?

Deep down, I think my worry is that despite remembering chucking the pack onto her shelf, despite having just replaced them, I may have been taking her pads. And that seems like an incredibly poor thing to do to someone who doesn't even complain when you spend enough time at their house that you have to keep all of these things there.

--Lu