My clinic is in one of the states that requires doctors to ask two questions at the ultrasound: "Do you want to see the ultrasound?" and "Would you like to know if it's twins?"
Only once have I seen this change a mind, but the woman with twins last week (who already had three children and a laid-off husband at home to support) wept in the recovery room. Did it change her mind? No. Did it make it harder for her? Absolutely. It is not only a kind of emotional blackmail, the requirements force women to make their choice, over and over again, even after they've decided. And each time, whatever their reasons, it makes it harder.
And you end up with situations like this, where all of our mandatory bullshit just frustrates people and makes the experience worse. There are so many hoops we have to jump through, and make our patients jump through. It makes me sick sometimes.
Then again, sometimes I appreciate portions of it-- and this is the part that I don't know that anyone but providers will understand.
As much as I love my job, and its mission, and the feeling that I'm helping women... sometimes I resent them. I know that a lot of the attitude I have to deal with comes from the fact they're dealing with the social stigma-- women are made to feel shitty about their choice, and they take it out on me. I understand that, but sometimes it pisses me off. And while I never lose professionalism in interactions, I know that my co-workers and I sometimes are... less than kind when we finish scheduling appointments for particular women, such as those who "don't like *that* word". It's just that, despite the stigma, we still need people to face the choice they're making.
In some way, that's what all the rigamarole does-- it makes women face their decision. I hate that it's made out to be such a huge decision, and I don't think any shame should be attached to it, but one of the things we're required to do in those mandatory counseling sessions is judge potential coping issues. And not being able to say the word "abortion" is one of those signs.
Alright, I'm going to close this here. I'm not necessarily sure I've said all I needed to, or as well as I could have, but it's what I needed to say.
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oh man, thanks for writing this. this is the kind of thing that i've long wanted to be able to blog about, and yet always worried about saying aloud. i have no doubt that the rest of the world, pro and anti alike, don't understand this combination -- the love and support for women who need an abortion, and the bitter taste of some people's state of denial that the thing they need is called an a-b-o-r-t-i-o-n. and also, probably, the mutual frustration that comes from over-intimacy in a stressful time.
ReplyDeletepretty much nothing about this work provokes my judgmental tendencies EXCEPT for people judging my clients. causing a dilemma when i have a client doing the client-judging. it's something i'm working on...